No ship

T wanted to play ultimate with R but needed to finish and ship some new code first.

T: If we ship, I'm so in!
R: Get your ship together.

Black eyed puns

S's friend A is a graduate student in Italian studies.

J:  I know I have been living under a rock recently, but did you know A has a food blog about Italian cuisine?
S:  You so two thousand and latte.

Shoppung

Checkout woman at grocery store:  Would you like to buy a reusable canvas bag for your groceries?

Customer: Totes

Poached for the pun blog

D: I am so hung over. I went on a brunch date this morning and just wanted to go back to bed.
S: Did you get your eggs hangovereasy?
D: Terrible joke. Now I feel worse.
S: Don't get so eggsasperated.
 Sent at 3:16 PM on Sunday
S: You still there or did you scramble off?
 Sent at 3:20 PM on Sunday
S: By the way, if you have a really bad hangover, I would avoid the sunny side of the room. It tends to make my headaches worse

Brew Ha Ha

M and T ordered two small drinks at a local coffee shop that prides itself on custom brewing each cup.


Barista: Take a sip and let me know if it's perfect.
M: That's a tall order.

Parks and puncreation

R's friend was supposed to get tickets for an Aziz Ansari comedy performace, but they were sold out.

E: "Aziz an-sorry."

Farmy brats

S:  What did we get in our farm box this week?
J:  Every kind of green, potatoes, and apples.
S:  What is every kind of green?
J:  Escarole, kale, chard, radicchio, radicchio, radish greens...
S:  We got two kinds of radicchio?
J:  Yes.  Castelfranco radicchio and Chioggya radicchio.
S:  That is radicchioless.  But at least we are not.