Top dog

The faithful author of this blog is a fan of Mark Sanchez, and all-star pun maker R is a fan of Tom Brady, so R sent over this pun-tastic article.

Sanchez's antics still eats at Raiders
September, 21, 2011
By Bill Williamson


The Oakland Raiders clearly haven’t digested Mark Sanchez’s infamous Hot Dog caper of 2009.

 

Oakland coach Hue Jackson said Wednesday he wasn’t focusing on the memory of Sanchez, then a rookie, discretely putting mustard on a hot dog and then eating it on the sidelines late in the Jets’ 38-0 laugher at Oakland two years ago. Sanchez and the Jets visit Oakland on Sunday.

Still, Jackson, who was not part of the Oakland organization in 2009, relished the opportunity to grill Sanchez over the non-meaty issue. Jackson showed his team the frankfurter footage this week to, apparently, get his team steamed to face Sanchez.

“I don’t eat hot dogs during the game,” Jackson said told reporters Wednesday. “It sounds like somebody did. So, that was his prerogative back then. I wasn’t here. I hope we can make it more interesting for him so he doesn’t have to eat hot dogs. Hopefully, we can take the mustard and the relish and the onions and all that and put it away and play a little football.”

Fresh off the seeing of the video, Oakland defensive lineman Tommy Kelly has more motivation to knock the scrambling gourmet on his buns.

“Yeah, coach showed (the video) to us,” Kelly said. “It was just a reminder. We’re going to remind him of that during the game.”

Hot Dog-Gate an amusing sidebar to the main course, but the Raiders must make sure Sanchez doesn’t make them eat their words come game time.

Incredibility

C invited M to watch The Incredibles in a park last Saturday night.

M: So sorry I had to miss the picnic and movie night.
C. It's okay. We ended up defecting to another park.
M: Why?

C: Ha. It was incredibly kid-heavy.

Follow the weaver

Upon their arrival in Italy the ladies of Jersey Shore struggled to navitage the airport terminals and crowds while looking good and carrying their extensive luggage.

Snooki: I can't see.
J-Wow: Just follow my weave!

Calling your buff

S sent over a puntastic article from SFist:

Castro Nudists Plan Saturday Nude-In

A group of local exhibitionists and public nudists is planning to flood the (ahem) buff stop on Castro Commons Plaza with their surely exemplary specimens of the male form this Saturday at Noon. Although the naked event may seem to be crossing swords with the recent Wiener butt legislation, it was actually planned to coincide with the annual plein air fetish fest at the Folsom Street Fair this Sunday. So, basically, the naked guys will be doing more of less what they always do, except there may be more of them.

One of the regulars, George Davis, perhaps best known for his flaccid mayoral campaign against Gavin Newsom's engorged political machine in 2007, told the Chronicle that Supervisor Scott Wiener's legislation doesn't affect him because he's already pro-towel (chairs can be dirty, we guess). The point of this convention of flesh, Davis says, is to raise awareness that nudeness is not necessarily lewdness. Besides, "the tourists love it".

Last year's similar Folsom Street precursor apparently drew 50 or so in-the-buff attendees. Saturday's event could draw even more thanks to all the press and online buzz that came along with Wiener's proposed ordinance.

Also, for anyone planning on doing any nude sitting, either on Saturday or otherwise, the folks at the Guardian have helpfully created The Butt Guardian. As you might expect, it's a piece of paper you can print out or find tucked in to this week's Sex Issue to protect your nether regions from flithy seating or vice versa. Although, we suppose if you're going to chafe up your bum with newsprint, you could really use any issue of our fine local papers.

Workers' comp

T: I hurt my back really badly playing ping pong, so I had to go to the chiropractor, but he straightened it out right away.

These teams are the best

J takes classes in Wurster Hall.

J: Our IM dodgeball team is named "Wurst Aim Ever." First game proceeds tonight in 30 minutes and it will be awesome. Our IM soccer team is called "Your Wurster Nightmare."

Dam right

S and A watched a documentary on how the Hoover Dam was built. Their favorite line?

"He wanted to be the greatest dam builder in the US."

Olympic puns

R forwards M wordplay exchange from R’s kickball team email list.

M: If only there were a social group just for witty banter... no athletics required.
R: We should start that.  I can't decide between Pun Club LA and Equipun.
M: 24 Hour Punness.
R: Punch Fitness.
M: Solid. Bay Pun.
R: Nice. Punite Granite.
M: Haha so good. House of Pun.

Too bad "Egon" isn't a state

S:  (reading from Wikipedia) "In 2007, the state legislature officially declared the possessive form of the state's name to be Arkansas's."
J:  Wow, they've come a long way since reconstruction.
S:  I think it'd be funny if Kansas' possessive were Kansas'... just as a kind of f*ck you to Arkansas.
J:  What about our-Kansas as a state possessive? That would be even more of a nod/f*ck-you to Arkansas.

Gotta hand it to her

C, a librarian at SFSU, is the group's director and founder.  She is also the director of Bells of Joy, the Community United Methodist Church of Half Moon Bay's handbell choir.  C is also a member of Low Ding Zone, the world's first bass bell-only handbell ensemble, and performs regularly as a handbell soloist.

Saag puneer

L: I thought Indian food was too mushy for you.

P: You're right, this lamb is too saag-y.

OreGoing, OreGoing...

M: You haven't sent me a pun in a few days -- is everything ok?
R: My life has been insaaaane lately.  Sorry.  I'm trying to make it happen, here's one from today:

A: Have you met my friend G? I tried to introduce you at Outside Lands, but I don't think it happened.

R: Ohhh, yeah, we never met up.

A: I wanted you guys to hang out, but now she got a new job and is moving to Oregon. I think you two would have hit it off.

R: Too bad she'll be OreGONE soon.


R: By the way, I totally forgot about the boat pun. That was an all-time great.  It's been tough swimming trying to live up to the high water mark I set there.

M: Great pun. You're a lifesaver

R: That's sweet of you to say (get it??? lifesavers = sweet).  No holes in that argument.

All we need is a glass of port

R encountered some choppy waters while scheduling a date with G.

R: What are you doing today?

G: I'm supposed to go sailing, but if it's raining I might bail.

R: Good boat pun

G: (Silence)

M: I hope you gave her a stern look after that.

R: Great pun. Take a bow.

M: You're such a pun all-star. I'm going to post your picture on my starboard.

I know this blog is cheesy

J: Puns are everywhere!
M: S and I might try to go there for grilled cheese lunch today so I have planned to spend my whole morning thinking of an A+ pun.
J: I am also going to expend all my mental energy on this today and hopefully can return with a victorious pun.
(hours later)
M: What do you eat if it's raining on Passover?
J: Manische-wetz?
M: How about Matzo-rella?
S: Hi everyone! I'm feeling Feta'd up with all of this pun talk!
J: How can you be fed up? M's puns are Brielliant. I don't know how
she Muensters up the courage to share these with us.
S: Amazing. I Swiss I was such a muenster punster.
M: I am way out of my league with you two; your puns have shredded the competition.
S: I'm sure you can wedge a few more in.
     Sent from my iProvolone
M: Stop with the amazing cheese puns! You Havarti won the contest.
J: This woman stepped on my foot on the bus. I told her, "no Parm, no foul."

Post script

M: Can we do an early dinner tonight? I have a package waiting for me at the post office so I need to wake up early to pick it up tomorrow morning.

B: As long as I don't have to work tonight (in which case we might need to postpone) I think that should be okay.
M: Okay, just keep me posted.

Soap opera

J and S, heading to the laundromat, needed to do six loads of wash.

J:  Do we have enough soap for all this?
S:  Soapfully!
S:  I mean, I think soap.


M: Does J pick up on these?
S: Not always, but I sudspect he is getting better.
M: Meanwhile, I hope the blog tides you over.

Because they got high

J and his buddy J, while in a state of chemically-induced mellowness, try to figure out how high their apartment is off the ground.

J1: Well you could estimate the feet per floor and multiply it by 28.

J2: Well, I know we're approximately 2/3 of the way up the building, so I could just look up the height of the building.

J1: This would be a great interview question to see how someone would go about this problem.

(R looks up from his work on the other side of the room.)

R: Would you call that a top-down or bottom-up approach? 

Coite right

S: Have you ever noticed that the restaurant Coi is so close to Coit Tower? COIncidence? I think noT.

House of representin'

K: Check it out! An Asian man got caught doing what was previously
reserved only for old white men!
P (who is Asian): Representin'.... literally!